Playground Politics
I brought my son to the park to relieve him of cabin fever, and for me to escape the stress of adulting. I ended up learning what I see as a deep and profound truth about political impasses.
The disclaimer: What follows actually happened, but I’m making up the names of those involved, and approximating what was said - had I known what would transpire, I would have recorded it. The age estimates are purely speculation. And I also don’t know whether any history between the parties may be at play.
The setting: The playground at a public park.
The players: A father and seven of his children. Yes. Seven. Also, two other girls that were twin sisters. My son was not part of the exchange - thankfully.
Allison (one of the twin girls, ~age 9): [angrily] Hey!!
Stacy (~age 10): What?
Allison: He hit me!
[Everyone stops and looks.]
Stacy: Say sorry.
Adam (~age 5): No.
Stacy: Say sorry!
Adam: NO!
Stacy: [grabbing him] You need to apologize.
Adam: [snidely] Sorry!
Allison: He didn’t mean it. I want him to mean it.
Stacy: He said sorry.
[Most of the children go back to playing.]
Allison: Hey! I want him to say sorry and mean it!
Stacy: Well, he already said sorry.
Allison: But he didn’t mean it.
[Allison begins wandering around looking for an adult, and finds their father on a bench, looking at his phone.]
It is at this point that I begin to think that these playground politics may be parallel to well-known (geo)political impasses. I start paying closer attention.
Allison: [pointing at Adam] He hit me and I want him to apologize.
Father: Adam… say you’re sorry.
Stacy: He already did.
Father: He said sorry?
Allison: Yes, but he didn’t mean it.
[Father goes back to his phone.]
Allison: Please, make him say sorry.
Tyler (sitting next to his father, ~age 13): He said sorry.
Allison: But he didn’t mean it.
Tyler: What do you want?
Allison: I want him to say sorry and to mean it.
Tyler: What happened?
Allison: I was running around the slide over there [pointing], and as I came around it, he came down and he almost hit me!
Tyler: So, he didn’t hit you.
Allison: No. But he almost did, and it scared me!
Tyler: So, you were running and he startled you? [yep, he said startled - anachronistic, right?]
Allison: Yes!
Tyler: Ok.
[Tyler smirks, looks around, then pulls out his phone. Allison then walks around the playground to different members of the family, presumably making her case. I couldn’t hear what she said.]
Allison: ELIZABETH!!!!
[That’s her twin sister, playing by herself near my son.]
Elizabeth: What?
Allison: Tell them you’re not gonna play with them anymore and you’re not their friend!
Elizabeth: Why?
Allison: Just do it!
Elizabeth: [Yelling in the direction of the others] I don’t like you anymore!!!
Adam: [Yelling back] I don’t care!
[Elizabeth literally shrugs, and returns to playing by herself.]
Allison: Let’s go home!
Elizabeth: No, I wanna keep playing.
And that’s where it ended.
Let’s recap, to see some of the parallels to grown-up politics:
An offense or infraction occurs.
The offending party refuses to acknowledge any harm was done.
Genetic/tribal allegiance kicks in.
Appeals are made to a more powerful and influential entity, in the hopes of a grievance being validated.
A cursory investigation occurs.
The powerful and influential entity ignores the reality on the ground, instead pursuing their own interests.
Backroom and semi-private appeals are made.
An ally gets recruited.
Sanctions are issued.
Sanctions are flouted.
An uncomfortable and semi-stable or temporary equilibrium is reached; surely to become part of “their history.”
No one is injured and individual sovereignty remains intact. Perhaps, due to a lack of weapons and a more-or-less balance of power between the disputants. At the same time, there is a rather asymmetrical power imbalance tilted toward an entity that could help resolve it if they had the will to do so.
No resolution is reached.
My conclusion? This impasse seems to stem from an incorrect assessment of one’s own importance in relation to others.
The solution? Humility. Letting go can be powerful, and sometimes, might even be the right thing to do. This can be one-sided. Hard to believe - harder to admit - hardest to act on.
And if you’re an observer? Dispassionate detachment seems eminently useful. The words, “I don’t know,” could spare you (and others) significant distress.
And finally? The ‘actual’ degree of the infraction, or ‘the’ reality, is inconsequential. The perceived degree of the infraction, or ‘perceived’ reality, drives everything that proceeds. So don’t try to measure it, because it don’t matter.